doreyt

Today the kids go back to school, which means I’ll be comforting many kindgergarteners that don’t want leave their mommies or daddies. The first day for the kids is always challenging…getting to know their new teachers and kids they don’t  know.

I packed my lunch last night and snacks for the day. I’m not exactally sure when I have lunch this year. I will find out today. I am going to start eating on schedule and  hopefully I can drop 5-10 lbs. I won’t have much time to obsess about food today which I am so grateful for. I better go for now. I’ll tell you all about my day tonight.

I go to trainer girl this evening…hopefully I’ll have enough energy after working all day long. It’s hard getting back into my work schedule…I’m just like the  kids…have to get use to it. Have a great day all!

6:00 a.m.-two eggs hard boiled  7:15 cycling, 8:00 a.m. cardio on treadmill walking two miles, 9:00 a.m. yoga, 10:00 walking, 10:30 a.m. rowing, 11:00 a.m.-wellness center all different machines, practiced pull ups, 1:00 p.m. lunch inside – oatmeal with a banana, almonds and apple, tea, 2:30 one egg hard boiled and 3 to 4 crackers/4 tortilla chips with salsa, 5:30 p.m. church luau-a little bit worried about this…going with my parents and my mom is a food pusher…she will encourage me to have just a little it will be ok, or you never eat it, it won’t kill you. She doesn’t get it…if I start on a little I won’t ever want to stop. Will try to eat clean and right for my body tonight at dinner.

Work this week is was ok. I didn’t do much. We had breakfast this morning that the PTA gave to the staff then a meeting, worked for 30 minutes, went to lunch then worked for an hour and had another meeting and the day was over. I am glad the weekend is here though. The kids come on Monday. I’m looking forward to it. Glad to be back at work.

I’ve signed up for cycling tomorrow morning at 7:15 a.m. I know, what am I thinking, waking up so early on a weekend I want to get it done with. One of my weekly goals from trainer Coree is to get 3 cycling classes in this week. So far I’ve only got 1 done. She gave me my goals on Wed. so I have next Wed. to get them done. Around here it’s hard to get into a cycling class. You have to call the day before or they fill up. It’s just crazy. I don’t even like to spin so much…just trying to achieve a goal. At first I didn’t think I could do it, but I took the first class and it wasn’t that bad. Tomorrow I’ll go on to the second cycling class.

I was into my food today…not so much in the morning or at lunch…I did well then. At work it started with a breakfast that was put on by the PTA. There was all kinds of delicious food…I ate eggs and fruit. I did well there. Then lunch was at a restaurant…Mexican…I ordered tacos and started to eat the taco shell with the taco but it broke which gave me the brillant idea to just eat the inside…chicken, lettuce, salsa, and cheese and leave the shell there. It saved me on calories. Dinner was awful…I go out with friends on Friday and someone always different always picks the restaurant. This time we went to the Marine Corps…it’s not a restaurant but an organization that puts on dinners. Everything is prepared ahead of time and you can’t ask for food the way you want it cooked. I did my best in ordering. I had fish and green beans. The fish was baked but tons of butter and the string beans prob. were canned with tons of sodium. Still over all I did good. I passed on the baked potato/mashed potatoes/corn/bread/fried fish/chicken cordon blue and pie. It was a waste of my money. I got so angry at dinner because I wanted to be able to have food my way and didn’t get it. Next time I will call and see what they have before I go. My friends do not understand that if I eat the wrong types of food I’ll go off and just start to binge. Did good at the corps, but when I got home I wanted to eat everything in sight. I came home and had an apple. Watched some tv and started to write out the bills….started to stress…and then wanted more food. I made a salad with tons of stuff in it and ate it all. I probably had too many calories over all. This week was stressful from the doctor’s appointment. On Tuesday I was 132. On Thursday after I went for Chinese with my friend and out to dinner with my father on Wednesday I weighed 136…tomorrow I’ll go and see what I weigh. I’m scared to get on the scale cause my emotions so ride on that number. When I don’t weigh I am so much happier. I don’t have to worry so much…but if I see a high number my spirit just drops.  You would think I would learn and I just wouldn’t weigh any more, but I am compulsive so I keep beating myself up I will pray tonight and God for some help with this. I do have to weigh tomorrow cause on Monday I am weighing and measuring with trainer Coree and I don’t want any surprises. I want to know what I am going to weigh before I get to her.

My goals are no longer weight related….who am I kidding…they are but I can’t get beyond 127 and now I’m in the 130’s…oh well…trying to focus on another goal. My other goal is to do pull ups. I am practice most days to get them done. I do them on the assisted machine and with a friends help. One day soon I’ll be able to do my own…lol.

Well friends, I’m tired…it’s late and I have to get up early tomorrow. Have a great weekend everyone!

Summer vacation for me is over and I’m back to work today. Today is my first day back and I am so happy.  My food is much cleaner when I am at work. I am little bit anxious about returning but it will all be good. I am working some different people on my team this year that will be an adjustment.

My health…my liver tests have been coming back high. So I am scheduled for an ct scan tomorrow. I have to drink this yucky white chalkly stuff and then get dye shot in my body. If nothing shows there then I’m off to a specialist for the liver. Doesn’t seem fair that I lost all this weight and now I’m having healthy problems. When the doctor told me about my liver going up even more I wanted to cry…but putting it in God’s  hands. Nothing I can do about it until I find out the results of the tests. It could also be all the supplements I started to take recently too. I am praying that it is the supplements that is causing my liver to be wacked out. I am stopping all supplements and will give it 3 weeks then I will go back for another blood test and see what happens. I hope it was as simple as too many supplements.

I’m still haning out at 132 lbs. I go up and down from 127 to 132. My body is comfortable here. I worked out hard and longer this summer and still the same. It’s kind of frustrating. My new goal is not to weigh and focus on that any more. Now I have decided to set a goal of pull ups. Yes, I want to be able to do pulls. I’d like to be able to do 1 for now…lol. I can do them if I have help. It is a goal for the new. I want to be able to do at least 5 for the new year.

I’ve added another trainer to my schedule. I still have trainer girl, now I have trainer guy. He is 36 and a body builder…manger of the trainers at the Y. He is awesome. I’ve told him my goals and he assures me that I’ll be able to do pull ups by the new year. I am excited about working with him. Just started last month to work with him. He is very fresh and new. Also very challenging.

Well my friends…I’ve gotta run. I’ll talk to you guys soon.

D

Ate my way through the weekend. Needed someone to talk to but trainer canceled on me on Monday. Pissed me off so much. She just txted me and said that she couldn’t make it…no excuse. I was worried something happened to her or her family. The next morning she told me she had a flat tire. I told her she should of told me that so I didn’t worry. Please….I just wanted to go home and not even work out but I forced myself to go and run. I ran for like 5 miles straight. Yes, I was that upset. Then walked .5 of mile. It was a good run for me after all.

 My trainer is quiting the Y. I found out tonight. She gave her two weeks notice. She said she would still train me but at her house. I should be ok with this but it’s making very nervous. I want to change my schedule if I am going to train at her house. I don’t know if she can do change but I want to change. I am sad about this. I don’t know what to do. I won’t see her at the Y, but going to her house might make me closer to her and she will be more relaxed. Who knows…I know God wants me to grow and trust myself, but not so sure I can do this any more, or want to. I am so sad now. I am happy she still wants to train me, but sad she won’t be at the Y. It will be so different…I will be different. I won’t even run into her any more by chance during the summer.

I know I always resist change, and then the change is better than the before. I should just be happy and live in faith. Let it go. Trust that everything will be fine. I feel so much tension on my shoulders now. I bought granola bark at Publix today. It’s so damn good. I shouldn’t be eating it. I’m sure it has a ton of calories it’s that good. It’s nuts with seeds and raisin all stuck together with something…sugar probably. Who knows…I don’t even care any more. I just want to eat the whole bag. I haven’t yet, but want to. HELP! LOL!

Well, I should go. Have a good night buddies.

This past weekend didn’t start off to good. Let’s see my vacation from work was going great up until Friday. My friend from the Y decided to go for Chinese food (buffet). That worked out ok. I ate pretty clean there…the only thing that wasn’t too good was a few fried shrimp/scallops but I did so much better than before when I went there. Several hours later I went out with a different set of friends to dinner. I ate again there. I brought home the main course but I pigged out on the salad bar. I took stuff I never take…like apples covered in white sauce (mayo/sour cream) and then I added sunflower seeds to it, craisins, cheese, macroni salad…and kept going up for more. It didn’t stop there. I came home and just couldn’t get enough to eat. I ate almond butter and chocolate rasperberry sauce. I mean I ate spoonfuls of this delicious stuff. I didn’t want to stop. It tasted so good. After all that sugar and protein I had a ton of energy and guilty inside. I decided why not go out and run. I ran for a mile and half trying to burn up some of those unneccesary calories I took into my body.

Saturday I went to another buffet this time with my mom. I must say I was proud of myself. I didn’t pig out there and I stuck to food that I could eat…sweet potato, chicken, cauliflower, and salad. It was my mom’s choice of restaurants and she ate horrible…she had hot dogs, nachos, pizza, and some other stuff she isn’t allowed. She is a diabetic, heart patient, high blood pressure…I try to help her but she doesn’t want my help. She gets mad at me. It’s ok for her to tell me what I can eat and how much but when I tell her it’s … oh you are picking on me. She doesn’t like the same treatment she gives me…go figure.

Sunday I was back into the food. I went with my friend J, to her church. She is Korean and I never had Korean food. Since it was Easter they had a big spread of special food. I tried everything from kimichi to fern, to squid with diakon. It was all good. You would think I would be full from the lunch but nope…I came home and made myself a full dinner. I cooked up eggplant parmesan (baked not fried, all low fat cheese), green beens, and salad. I did go over my calorie allowance I am sure, but I didn’t care. I think I am getting into that mind frame that I ate anything for lunch I can keep going. No, but I can’t keep going or I’ll get fat again. That’s my biggest fear. I don’t want to get fat again.

I have got to get back to healthy eating this week and portion control. I can do it. I have done it before and will do it. Thanks for listening buddies. I gotta get ready for work. Have a blessed Monday.

Well, I didn’t get $100 ticket. I got a $5.00 and my dad got a $10.00 ticket. Was it worth standing in line for 3 hours. No it wasn’t. Did we go for breakfast afterwards? No we didn’t. Afterwards I came home and made myself a healthy breakfast. Then I got myself to the Y. I was late for yoga…9:30 it starts at 9. I went in on the treadmill to do cardio for 30 minutes. I walked on an incline of 4 for 2 minutes then ran for 3 and then walked, ran for total of 30 minutes.  I knew yoga would be done by then and I went to find my friend J. I found her and we did what was left of zumba toning together and then she wanted to run outside. I tried to talk her into tea or coffee first but it was no go…we ran. We ran longer than other times. We ran about 30 minutes total, about 2.86 miles. I didn’t stop once. I was proud of myself. Normally I stop and walk but this time I was dermined to finish strong. It was a beautiful day to be outside, not too hot. I am glad J pushed me. It does pay to have gym buddy. After running I laid by the pool and chatted with friend  until 4:00 p.m. Then I was good to myself and treated myself to a pedicure.

Dinner was good and I ate clean but a lot of calories. Since I didn’t do lunch at the Y I could afford to eat that much plus I did a lot of running today so I burnt a lot of calories off It’s all good. Tomorrow is my father’s 80’s birthday and we’ll bring a cake to church for fellowship afterwards. I am not sure if I am going to have a piece or not yet. I am craving sweets lately. My plan is to eat a big breakfast and bring a snack of my own that is clean so I won’t be tempted. I can do that

I hope you all are having a great weekend. I’ll talk to you later.

Last two days I haven’t done any exercise. I just didn’t go to the Y. I was very tired. Thursday I had to go grocery shopping for a few things then came home and updated my food journal and by that time I was ready for dinner, shower and bed. Friday I went out with standard friends to dinner and came home and felt so bad. I ate the wrong food. I was so hungry that I ordered the fried fish (ALL U CAN EAT). Yes, I did order plate after plate. I don’t know how many calories it was. When I was finished I wasn’t even hungry. I still wanted more food believe it or not but my friends were ready to go.

I came home had cantaloupe then updated my log seeing my calories intake for the day didn’t even go to the Y. I was thinking to myself what’s the point. Got depressed and hungry again. A couple of hours later I ate strawberries and a banana with this to DIE for chocolate raspberry sauce and almond butter. I had decided at that point, after the fried food, I could eat anything I wanted. I promptly put myself to bed after that or I would have gone through the whole house eating everything I don’t even know if I was hungry or not. I just wanted to eat. I wanted to eat everything. I was tired. I didn’t want to exercise. I was off my routine at work. I don’t know. I get so close to my goal then screw it up. Why is that?

Good news is that I am up early and going to wait in line at Sports Authority. They are having a grand opening for this morning and I want to be one of the first 250 to get there to get a $100.00 gift certificate. I am bring my father along with me so he can get one too. Then we might go for breakfast. I’d be missing yoga and my gym friend, J, if I go out with my dad to breakfast. But I am thinking food…and I never really spend any time with him. Nah…it’s the food I’m thinking about for sure. I wish I could do both.

I’ve gotta go. I’ll keep you posted at how it goes.

Ran for a little over 2 miles in 21 mins. (trying to improve that time)

weight lifted with trainer (everything is ok with her and I) for about an hour

elliptical (cross trainer) one hour

YMCA was good today. Not sure what tomorrow will bring…should I go in the morning or wait until night time. If I go in the morning I’ll walk or do elliptical again. If I go at night I can do powerflex and water aerobics. Decisions…I’ll let you know. Gotta get to bed. Have a great night buddies.

Big step for me today…first time I wore a sleeveless shirt in the gym. LOL! One of the male trainers said I looked fantastic…another male trainer said he wished he had arms like mine. I’m kind of muscular. It was nice and made me feel good. I was so shy to wear a sleeveless shirt. Trainer said to just wear it after the run cause I was going to change but she convinced me to wear it and work out. It was ok and nothing bad happened No one even laughed.  I was kind of worried but I survived.

Been doing well on my exercise and eating lately…I even went to the Y today, Sunday, which is my day off from the Y…however, I’ve been reading this Chinese takeout menu like almost every day. I kept it in my car and thought that ordering one dish wouldn’t hurt. Well..who knew…I ordered the broccoli in garlic sauce. Well it was delicious. I am sure it’s way high in calories. I ate all of it. Don’t feel guilt cause I honestly didn’t know the calorie intake…still don’t. I do know though that eggplant in garlic sauce is 1000 calories or something like that…so I’m comparing it to that and I’ve eaten like over 2000 calories today. Oh well…I’ll just maintane for a day and not lose anything. There is always tomorrow. No more Chinese for me. I’ll have to make my own if I want to eat that. I can do that easily for way less calories I am sure.

Upset trainer girl by making a comment that she wasn’t feminie and she was muscular. It really had nothing to do with her it had to do with me and my own image of how I see myself. I wish I could take it back. I’ve apologized to her on the phone in a txt msg, I wrote her an email…and she hasn’t responded yet. I don’t know if she is still pissed. You see I was looking at another trainer and wishing I could look like her…she is like a barbie doll, really thin with boobs…of course boobs are fake. Then another trainer came up…a guy and said isn’t your trainer feminine? And I was like not like that. Muscular isn’t feminine and I was so talking about me! Not her. I don’t see her as feminine I see her as strong and forceful. It’s different. I hope she will forgive me. It has been bugging me since she mentioned something to me about it on Wednesday. I’m sure she will say it’s ok cause I pay her but I don’t want that. I want it to be really ok. Nothing I can do about it now, but see if she still wants to train me right. I’ll txt her and see if she wants to still train tomorrow. I won’t train with her if she is still upset with me. I don’t want that. I know I’m probably making more of it than what it is…but it’s bugging me. I honestly wouldn’t say anything if I thought it would hurt her. There goes the friendship I was so hoping to have with her.

Moving on…I walked today. Walked 45 mins. on an incline on and off. It was good. Not sure what trainer girl will have me do. I have even been thinking of making up an excuse not to train with her tomorrow…can you believe me? I haven’t missed one session of training with her since I’ve started (over a year). I just don’t want to face her if she is still upset.

Well it’s getting late. I better go. I need all the sleep I can get to have energy for a big day. In a week I’ll be on holiday for spring break…I can’t wait.

I hope all of you guys had a wonderful weekend.