doreyt

Ate my way through the weekend. Needed someone to talk to but trainer canceled on me on Monday. Pissed me off so much. She just txted me and said that she couldn’t make it…no excuse. I was worried something happened to her or her family. The next morning she told me she had a flat tire. I told her she should of told me that so I didn’t worry. Please….I just wanted to go home and not even work out but I forced myself to go and run. I ran for like 5 miles straight. Yes, I was that upset. Then walked .5 of mile. It was a good run for me after all.

 My trainer is quiting the Y. I found out tonight. She gave her two weeks notice. She said she would still train me but at her house. I should be ok with this but it’s making very nervous. I want to change my schedule if I am going to train at her house. I don’t know if she can do change but I want to change. I am sad about this. I don’t know what to do. I won’t see her at the Y, but going to her house might make me closer to her and she will be more relaxed. Who knows…I know God wants me to grow and trust myself, but not so sure I can do this any more, or want to. I am so sad now. I am happy she still wants to train me, but sad she won’t be at the Y. It will be so different…I will be different. I won’t even run into her any more by chance during the summer.

I know I always resist change, and then the change is better than the before. I should just be happy and live in faith. Let it go. Trust that everything will be fine. I feel so much tension on my shoulders now. I bought granola bark at Publix today. It’s so damn good. I shouldn’t be eating it. I’m sure it has a ton of calories it’s that good. It’s nuts with seeds and raisin all stuck together with something…sugar probably. Who knows…I don’t even care any more. I just want to eat the whole bag. I haven’t yet, but want to. HELP! LOL!

Well, I should go. Have a good night buddies.

This past weekend didn’t start off to good. Let’s see my vacation from work was going great up until Friday. My friend from the Y decided to go for Chinese food (buffet). That worked out ok. I ate pretty clean there…the only thing that wasn’t too good was a few fried shrimp/scallops but I did so much better than before when I went there. Several hours later I went out with a different set of friends to dinner. I ate again there. I brought home the main course but I pigged out on the salad bar. I took stuff I never take…like apples covered in white sauce (mayo/sour cream) and then I added sunflower seeds to it, craisins, cheese, macroni salad…and kept going up for more. It didn’t stop there. I came home and just couldn’t get enough to eat. I ate almond butter and chocolate rasperberry sauce. I mean I ate spoonfuls of this delicious stuff. I didn’t want to stop. It tasted so good. After all that sugar and protein I had a ton of energy and guilty inside. I decided why not go out and run. I ran for a mile and half trying to burn up some of those unneccesary calories I took into my body.

Saturday I went to another buffet this time with my mom. I must say I was proud of myself. I didn’t pig out there and I stuck to food that I could eat…sweet potato, chicken, cauliflower, and salad. It was my mom’s choice of restaurants and she ate horrible…she had hot dogs, nachos, pizza, and some other stuff she isn’t allowed. She is a diabetic, heart patient, high blood pressure…I try to help her but she doesn’t want my help. She gets mad at me. It’s ok for her to tell me what I can eat and how much but when I tell her it’s … oh you are picking on me. She doesn’t like the same treatment she gives me…go figure.

Sunday I was back into the food. I went with my friend J, to her church. She is Korean and I never had Korean food. Since it was Easter they had a big spread of special food. I tried everything from kimichi to fern, to squid with diakon. It was all good. You would think I would be full from the lunch but nope…I came home and made myself a full dinner. I cooked up eggplant parmesan (baked not fried, all low fat cheese), green beens, and salad. I did go over my calorie allowance I am sure, but I didn’t care. I think I am getting into that mind frame that I ate anything for lunch I can keep going. No, but I can’t keep going or I’ll get fat again. That’s my biggest fear. I don’t want to get fat again.

I have got to get back to healthy eating this week and portion control. I can do it. I have done it before and will do it. Thanks for listening buddies. I gotta get ready for work. Have a blessed Monday.

Well, I didn’t get $100 ticket. I got a $5.00 and my dad got a $10.00 ticket. Was it worth standing in line for 3 hours. No it wasn’t. Did we go for breakfast afterwards? No we didn’t. Afterwards I came home and made myself a healthy breakfast. Then I got myself to the Y. I was late for yoga…9:30 it starts at 9. I went in on the treadmill to do cardio for 30 minutes. I walked on an incline of 4 for 2 minutes then ran for 3 and then walked, ran for total of 30 minutes.  I knew yoga would be done by then and I went to find my friend J. I found her and we did what was left of zumba toning together and then she wanted to run outside. I tried to talk her into tea or coffee first but it was no go…we ran. We ran longer than other times. We ran about 30 minutes total, about 2.86 miles. I didn’t stop once. I was proud of myself. Normally I stop and walk but this time I was dermined to finish strong. It was a beautiful day to be outside, not too hot. I am glad J pushed me. It does pay to have gym buddy. After running I laid by the pool and chatted with friend  until 4:00 p.m. Then I was good to myself and treated myself to a pedicure.

Dinner was good and I ate clean but a lot of calories. Since I didn’t do lunch at the Y I could afford to eat that much plus I did a lot of running today so I burnt a lot of calories off It’s all good. Tomorrow is my father’s 80’s birthday and we’ll bring a cake to church for fellowship afterwards. I am not sure if I am going to have a piece or not yet. I am craving sweets lately. My plan is to eat a big breakfast and bring a snack of my own that is clean so I won’t be tempted. I can do that

I hope you all are having a great weekend. I’ll talk to you later.

Last two days I haven’t done any exercise. I just didn’t go to the Y. I was very tired. Thursday I had to go grocery shopping for a few things then came home and updated my food journal and by that time I was ready for dinner, shower and bed. Friday I went out with standard friends to dinner and came home and felt so bad. I ate the wrong food. I was so hungry that I ordered the fried fish (ALL U CAN EAT). Yes, I did order plate after plate. I don’t know how many calories it was. When I was finished I wasn’t even hungry. I still wanted more food believe it or not but my friends were ready to go.

I came home had cantaloupe then updated my log seeing my calories intake for the day didn’t even go to the Y. I was thinking to myself what’s the point. Got depressed and hungry again. A couple of hours later I ate strawberries and a banana with this to DIE for chocolate raspberry sauce and almond butter. I had decided at that point, after the fried food, I could eat anything I wanted. I promptly put myself to bed after that or I would have gone through the whole house eating everything I don’t even know if I was hungry or not. I just wanted to eat. I wanted to eat everything. I was tired. I didn’t want to exercise. I was off my routine at work. I don’t know. I get so close to my goal then screw it up. Why is that?

Good news is that I am up early and going to wait in line at Sports Authority. They are having a grand opening for this morning and I want to be one of the first 250 to get there to get a $100.00 gift certificate. I am bring my father along with me so he can get one too. Then we might go for breakfast. I’d be missing yoga and my gym friend, J, if I go out with my dad to breakfast. But I am thinking food…and I never really spend any time with him. Nah…it’s the food I’m thinking about for sure. I wish I could do both.

I’ve gotta go. I’ll keep you posted at how it goes.