doreyt

Ran for a little over 2 miles in 21 mins. (trying to improve that time)

weight lifted with trainer (everything is ok with her and I) for about an hour

elliptical (cross trainer) one hour

YMCA was good today. Not sure what tomorrow will bring…should I go in the morning or wait until night time. If I go in the morning I’ll walk or do elliptical again. If I go at night I can do powerflex and water aerobics. Decisions…I’ll let you know. Gotta get to bed. Have a great night buddies.

Big step for me today…first time I wore a sleeveless shirt in the gym. LOL! One of the male trainers said I looked fantastic…another male trainer said he wished he had arms like mine. I’m kind of muscular. It was nice and made me feel good. I was so shy to wear a sleeveless shirt. Trainer said to just wear it after the run cause I was going to change but she convinced me to wear it and work out. It was ok and nothing bad happened No one even laughed.  I was kind of worried but I survived.

Been doing well on my exercise and eating lately…I even went to the Y today, Sunday, which is my day off from the Y…however, I’ve been reading this Chinese takeout menu like almost every day. I kept it in my car and thought that ordering one dish wouldn’t hurt. Well..who knew…I ordered the broccoli in garlic sauce. Well it was delicious. I am sure it’s way high in calories. I ate all of it. Don’t feel guilt cause I honestly didn’t know the calorie intake…still don’t. I do know though that eggplant in garlic sauce is 1000 calories or something like that…so I’m comparing it to that and I’ve eaten like over 2000 calories today. Oh well…I’ll just maintane for a day and not lose anything. There is always tomorrow. No more Chinese for me. I’ll have to make my own if I want to eat that. I can do that easily for way less calories I am sure.

Upset trainer girl by making a comment that she wasn’t feminie and she was muscular. It really had nothing to do with her it had to do with me and my own image of how I see myself. I wish I could take it back. I’ve apologized to her on the phone in a txt msg, I wrote her an email…and she hasn’t responded yet. I don’t know if she is still pissed. You see I was looking at another trainer and wishing I could look like her…she is like a barbie doll, really thin with boobs…of course boobs are fake. Then another trainer came up…a guy and said isn’t your trainer feminine? And I was like not like that. Muscular isn’t feminine and I was so talking about me! Not her. I don’t see her as feminine I see her as strong and forceful. It’s different. I hope she will forgive me. It has been bugging me since she mentioned something to me about it on Wednesday. I’m sure she will say it’s ok cause I pay her but I don’t want that. I want it to be really ok. Nothing I can do about it now, but see if she still wants to train me right. I’ll txt her and see if she wants to still train tomorrow. I won’t train with her if she is still upset with me. I don’t want that. I know I’m probably making more of it than what it is…but it’s bugging me. I honestly wouldn’t say anything if I thought it would hurt her. There goes the friendship I was so hoping to have with her.

Moving on…I walked today. Walked 45 mins. on an incline on and off. It was good. Not sure what trainer girl will have me do. I have even been thinking of making up an excuse not to train with her tomorrow…can you believe me? I haven’t missed one session of training with her since I’ve started (over a year). I just don’t want to face her if she is still upset.

Well it’s getting late. I better go. I need all the sleep I can get to have energy for a big day. In a week I’ll be on holiday for spring break…I can’t wait.

I hope all of you guys had a wonderful weekend.

Last night I didn’t go to the Y. I was exhausted. At one point I thought I could force myself to go but just didn’t go. Wednesday was a killer workout. I ran for 20 mins. with my friend outside, then did an hour of weight training with trainer and then 30 mins. of the cross trainer. It was all good. Trainer was happy with me…she has seen an attitude adjustment on my part. I am more focused and determined. I was up on the scale 3 lbs though. I know it’s because I am pmsing. I am going to tell trainer that I no longer want to weigh/measure around the 24th of each month, that I want to wait until my period is over to do that.

I am finding my smile more often lately. Making myself think of thinks to be happy about and smiling over them. Although yesterday when I was walking out with the children for dismissal I heard a woman beside me say, “Cute little bump.” Now, was she talking about me and my fat tummy. I didn’t know if she was talking about me or not…of course I think she is and her daughter even turned around to look at me. I wasn’t really paying attention but I think she was talking about me, and was she implying I looked like I was pregnant! My God! This means I need to work so much harder in the gym. I was asked if I was pregnant many times when I was fat…but now…no one should be asking me that question unless I am. Or did the woman say, “Cute little rump.” ? LOL! I’d like to think the later but for some reason I believe the first. This got me depressed last night and zapped my energy. Sheesh…it could of been the dress I was wearing…yes, my belly is there…do I look pregnant…I didn’t think so. It gets me thinking…too much food lately. I was so hungry at dinner last night. It was like I needed someone to hold me down and say calm down…it’s ok…there is plenty of food you will be ok. You know how you see people shoveling food in by the fistfuls on tv…that how I felt I could get last night. I didn’t, but I do think I probably ate to much. Again I am working on portion control. It’s so darn hard for me. It use to be easier because I weighed more I could eat more and still lose. Now, I can’t do that

Oh well…didn’t make water aerobics once this week. I’ll have to try for next week. I have to run…kids call. Talk to you all later. Have a great weekend friends.

Since I had such a good workout last night this morning I was still pumped up. I got up early and went to the Y. I only had time for cardio. I did the elliptical for an hour. It was good. It wasn’t that hard and I kept telling myself that I wanted to be there and forced myself to smile. I kept smiling…smililng that I had done 10 minutes, then smiling because I did 1/2 an hour, then 4o mins. then one hour baby! Yep, I weighed myself before exercise…130.6 or something and then after 129.something. I haven’t been 129 since I was in high school and that has been over 20 years ago! I’m sure it was water weight and me sweating…but I’ll take it! I don’t care I think if I weigh tomorrow I’ll be depressed because my weigh will have gone up…so there is one solution to that. Don’t weigh! LOL! I am so smart.

Gotta get to bed. I’ll talk to you soon buddies.

Didn’t go to work today. I was depressed. My cousin died this week. We weren’t close. I haven’t seen him in ages. He was my age, had one son. His wife died last year in an auto accident…ran into a tree. Now the boy age 5 is parentless. It’s so sad. It makes you stop and think. My cousin’s sister will take the young boy and raise him. I just feel exhausted. I didn’t know him well, but still it’s so depressing and stressful. I can’t believe how I am dealing with it. I feel like a weight is on my shoulders. The wake was this weekend. I didn’t want to go but went. Everyone had good things to say about him…if people in the neighborhood needed money he would help them out with anything. He was such a kind soul. It’s a terrible thing that happened.

Today I slept until 10. Trying to block out the depression with sleep. Woke up and felt like crap. I didn’t have any energy at all. Went shopping and had a bunch of stuff I was going to buy and then put it all back and remembered I was on a budget and that spending would not make me feel better it will only make it worse. That was good.

Treated myself to lunch. It was good. Ate just the right amount. Well, maybe a little more than I should have eaten, but I worked it off tonight. I went to trainer and we ran for 2 miles, then weight trained for 30 minutes then I did the elliptical for one hour on my own. It was all good tonight. I was trying to be positive. Noticed myself on the treadmill warming up with a frown on my face and made myself smile. Later on made myself smile on the elliptical too. Going to make myself smile more often until it becomes natural. I want to be there to work out. I want to get skinny. I can do it. I will do it. It’s in my reach. Yes, this self talk does help me. LOL! I even feel so good now that I’m thinking of going to the Y in the morning to work out instead of at night tomorrow. I might even go twice, once at night and once in the morning. I’ll keep you informed. Oh, found out they have water aerobics at 7:00 tomorrow…something new! I might just go and try it out. That can be my Tuesday and Thursday workout. It could be great. I love the water. I might even get some color and start to look normal instead of a white girl. I am really white people.

Well, I’m off to bed. Thanks for listening. I’ll let you know what I do tomorrow.  

Yesterday I ran with my friend J and then was going to work out with trainer. Trainer didn’t look good when she came and canceled some personal issue she had to deal with and went home. She did have a workout written down for me, but as she was telling all I was thinking of there is Yoga at 6:30 p.m. and that’s what I went to do. I had run 2 miles and was hot and tired all I wanted to do was relax and have Linda (Yoga teacher) take me to my happy place. It was good. I’ll have to get trainer’s workout in sometime before Monday. I can do that. Friday night or Saturday I’ll do it. It’s a 100 rep max burn workout. LOL! That’s what she calls it. I looked at it and was so happy she was canceling the workout that night…I was just too tired to perform that much.

Today I was extra hungry, I don’t know what it was. I didn’t eat much dinner last night maybe that’s it. Who knows. I ate a big breakfast, big lunch, and then big dinner I’m sure too many calories. I just wanted to eat today. I didn’t want to stop. It wasn’t a stressful day, I was tired though. I had to monitor testing all day long. I went to eat with a friend tonight and it was late around 8:30 when I dropped her home. I was going to go to the Y after that but too late. I came home and felt guilty for not doing anything so I jumped on the treadmill here and did 45 of cardio. It was good I did something. I hope that offset all the food I ate today.

My problem is portion control lately. I want to eat a lot of food. I don’t need all that food but just want it. I can pick the healthy options, no problem. Gotta work on portion control.

Weekend is coming up Glad it’s here. This has been a long work week. I had to struggle to get up, maybe it is the time change…who knows.

I really don’t have much time today to write. I should be walking to my next class and getting ready to teach, but what the heck…I feel like writing a little something before I go. Today…not sure what I am doing about exercise or dinner. I thought about it all morning long while I was monitoring FCAT testing to 5th graders and came up with powerflex then cardio, then dinner at home (fish, veggies, rice) or go out to dinner then the Y. I can’t make up my mind. I still have a couple of hours to go before I have to decide. I really need to get over to Publix again. They have veggies and strawberries on sale I’m so lucky to have found that out this weekend! I saved a ton of money.

I hope you all are doing well today. I feel tired today and it’s hitting me now. I stayed up way too late last night…1:00 a.m. Yikes! No more of that Biggest Loser is on tonight! Can’t wait.

I am focused again. Remember I was telling you that my trainer wanted me to cut out some carbs. Did I listen at first…no, she mentioned it again when I told her I was eating too much and this time I cut carbs…guess what happened? Yeap, you got it! I lost weight. I am now 131. I cannot believe it. Is it crazy to feel your body losing weight. I swear I felt it the last couple of days. I knew I was losing weight because my clothes felt differently. It is amazing. When I weighed today it made me want to stay longer at the Y and do more cardio.

I ran with trainer for 21 min. outside…a little over 2 miles. It was warm outside and I took off my shirt and wore my tank top. This is a first ladies, that I showed my arms. I worked out in my shorts and sleeveless shirt. I felt thin and felt like I looked good. So I went for it. As soon as we went back into the Y I put my shirt back on though. I’m not that confident yet. LOL. Then we did weights for about 40 minutes and then I went on the elliptical for 30 minutes.  It was a great work out. I didn’t complain either. I pushed myself harder and longer. I want it. Now that I am seeing results again I am more motivated to go and I’m happy tonight. I can honestly say I am happy For a long time I haven’t been, but tonight I am. Yahoo! It’s about time I get happy about something! 

Thanks for all your support buddies!

By Thursday I’m so tired I don’t want to do anything but relax. I tried to get up at 5:00 a.m. to start my new routine of working out in the morning and then at night to boost my metabolism…it just didn’t happen. I was way to tired and I did go to bed early. I have my period now, so I guess I need the extra sleep. Sleep is good. It helps repair the muscles

Gonna have to really be careful of what I eat if I want to lose these last lbs. I’m not stressed about it yet. I haven’t been ravishing hungry lately. It seems like I only get that way before my period when I’m pmsing and once I get my period those feelings go away. Thank God!

I will go the Y tonight and do something there. I think I am going to do the elliptical for 30 minutes and then perhaps run for 30 minutes. If I get there early enough I could take powerflex like I did the other night. It’s a mindless class. I don’t have to really think doing that class too much. Sometimes I feel like powerflex is a waste of my time. Like I’m not doing enough by taking that class. Since my trainer made that comment about not doing cardio like I use to…I’ve to step it up and start doing more cardio. I’m not gonna let her tell me that again! I want this weight to come off. I feel better about venting last night to all of you. Thanks again for listening me ramble on and on.

Oh, I got a complement today from someone so unexpected. A male substitute was at work that I haven’t seen in a few months saw me and was like…WOW! You are so skinny…you lost more weight! He knew me when I was my fattest, and then he saw me after I lost a significant amount of weight and he saw me today. It did make me feel good I still don’t see myself as skinny but I am working on it. It’s hard to readjust your thinking after about yourself. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I am no longer fat like I was to do stuff. I don’t have to worry about being the fattest at the event either. It’s all new to me.

I got another invitation by that one male trainer at the Y to go out to Applebee’s on Friday. He’s a nice guy, and safe with a wife. I might go again. I am still mulling it over in my head. I have nothing else to do that night so why not.

I just want to get a life and be at peace with myself. It seems like I wrestle with myself more than anyone else. Crazy right? I need to be nicer to myself and let up on me. I’m a great person and doing a fantastic job with this exercise stuff.

Have a great day buddies…the weekend is coming!

Ok buddies, remember when I told you I wasn’t going to get nervous about skydiving. I just had another feeling it wasn’t going to happen. I was training with trainer girl and she asked me what I was going to do this weekend…wtf? What am I doing this weekend? Does she really that bad of a memory? Come on. Well, I mentioned what I was suppose to do…urban dare, then skydiving…and she was like…oh yeah we might not go. Here’s the reason…her husband’s motorcycle is not ready…yeap…they were going to ride their motorcycles there with another couple…and I was suppose to meet them there. Yeah, right…not happening. Not going in that situation. I don’t care how much I want to be her friend. I’m not going to be a 3rd wheel. Nope, not doing it. She doesn’t know that though. I don’t even care if she thinks the reason I won’t go is because I’m afraid to jump. I’m glad we are not jumping Now, I don’t have to get nervous. I am going to tell her the truth if she goes and tells me to meet her there. I’m just going to tell her, nah…you already have plans with your friends…I’ll just be a 3rd wheel, I’ll go next time when we can ride together and leave it at that.

Training was great up til that point and then I got all moody. I told myself you aren’t going to get upset or mad, but she read me like a book and asked what was wrong. I told her nothing. She said tired? and I said yes, but she kept asking me what was wrong. She even asked me if I was mad at her about Urban Dare and I told her no because I never really thought she would do it with me. She kept pressing me about why I was mad at her and I told her she is wishy washy and never does what she says she is going to do. She told me that it was the other couple that had planned to skydive and that they were going to ride their motorcycles over there with them and the bikes aren’t ready so they can’t go. Yeah … whatever. So it’s really not her fault. She said that her husband said that they can still go, but I don’t think she wants to go without the other couple. So she’s not skydiving this weekend…so Urban Dare…she did ask if it was too late to register. I said no. Then I confronted her. I asked her why she couldn’t make a decision about it and what was the problem. She said she didn’t know. Then I told her what I thought. I told her that if it was just running she’d be all over it, but since it is mental she is scared to do it. She doesn’t think she is smart enough. I told her that and I think at one point she was blushing. I told her to look in the mirror ask herself why she is having such a hard time making this decision and let me know what her answer is tonight. We’ll see if she even answers me. I said that it was her husband’s comment when she told him about the urban dare that got to her, she said no it’s not that…but he did tell her it’s not all physical it’s mental too. If that isn’t an insult what is? She is physical but doesn’t have a brain? Please! She already doesn’t view herself as smart, and to have her husband say that just confirms her own thoughts about herself…how sad.

I guess since I don’t have any friends, because I’m so shy, I try to latch on to trainer girl because gives me attention. I wish I had another focus but I don’t. My other friend J still hasn’t shown up at the Y. We were starting to get to know each other and do a little bit outside of the Y too, but then she just stopped coming. I hope nothing is wrong with her.  We were planning on going a cruise in May together…who knows what will happen now.

Training without any other relationships other than my trainer is getting back to basics. That’s how it was when I first started out. It is working out a little bit better. I’m not rushing to make classes to hangout with J, or staying til 9:15/9:30 p.m. socializing with her. I’m getting home at a decent hour. I’m able to do what I want and don’t feel rushed on time. I have all the time in the world now to do what I want. I don’t have to be stressed. Thursday and Friday are my hardest days to get to the Y. There is powerflex tomorrow night at 5:30 it’s been changed back to the time it was before. I might go to tomorrow to do that night and then walk for a bit.

Trainer said that since I’m not doing as much cardio as I have been before that maybe for one meal I should cut out carbs. She was going to tell me but then said never mind, but I insisted and she told me. I said I’d try it and it can’t hurt. I tried to sound positive about it. That was after I got moody. I’m sure she didn’t believe a word I was saying at that point.

I was reading one magazine and it said that if you could split up your workout it boosts your metabolism more. I was thinking of going to the Y in the morning and doing about 45 minutes and then going in the evening to do more cardio and maybe a class. Lately I’ve just been so damn tired. I can’t force myself to get up in the morning. I use to be so determined to go in the morning so I don’t have to worry about the evening…I just can’t do it any more. I’m also taking off two days a week for the last month. I think I’m going to go back down to one day. I can do cardio ever day. I’m also going to have to up my cardio. She basically said that I was slacking…I got the hint. She didn’t say to pick it up and do more…she said to cut carbs. I’m going to try to do both. More cardio, less carbs…leaner me. I did weigh at the end after weights and running and it was a good number it was 134.something. I know it will be up tomorrow but it felt good for tonight LOL.

I’ve rambled enough. I better go, I have an early morning. Thanks for listening buddies. I need you guys more than ever now, you have no idea.