doreyt

Was so tired this morning almost skipped going to the Y. I hit the alarm clock 3 times before I actually got out of bed and ready to go. Once I was there it was all good though. I was surprised so many people were there this morning. I guess the snow birds are coming back from the north. I didn’t run at all today. Yesterday was running day. I pressed the button for cardio on the machine and did that one. It has you walk on an incline for a while then flat for while. Good work out. I got in 3 miles today. I thought I was only going to get in 2.5 but I pushed myself to stay longer and go for the 3 miles. I weighed this morning and the scale was kind It said 153. We’ll see what it says tomorrow. It changes all the time…last night it was 155.

Another reason I pushed myself to go this morning was so I can watch Biggest Loser tonight. I don’t want to be at the Y when it’s on, I want to be home relaxing. I’m not into it this much this season. I guess once the people’s personalities come out more I’ll get more into it.

Well buddies, have a great day. I’ve got to go to work. See you later.

Had my happy face on at the Y today. I did kickboxing first and told trainer girl I was taking it. I told her when she was ready to train me to come and get me from kickboxing. I am not going to wait around for her any more. Worked out with her for an hour. Then I did cardio. Today is my running day. I’m running every other day now. I ran fast today for me, on a speed of 6 most of the time. I did 3.10 miles (5k) in 39.58 minutes. So I am getting better…hehehe. I am happy with my workout today. I walked after the 3.10 to make a total of 3.5 miles. I’m tired now :)  I know tonight I’m going to sleep well.

Something bothered me at the Y tonight. At first I didn’t even pay attention to it but then while we were working out I started to think about it and it got to me. My trainer was talking to someone about me that works there. This guy is really nice and always encourages me. He asked me how much weight I lost and I told him 95 lbs. and was like….Wow! You look amazing, and he has been losing weight too, of course not as much as I have to lose but some. Anyway, my trainer said back to him…Yeah! She is doing great and Jermey (another trainer there) gets all the credit with some girl he trains for losing weight. It was like my trainer wasn’t getting credit for the weight I lost…then she said to play it off…oh and Dorey doesn’t like that kind of attention anyway. At first I didn’t think much of it, but almost to end of working out I thought about it and it started to bother me.  I can’t figure out why its bothering me. Should it be bothering me? Am I making too much of this? While I was doing lunges it started to bother me…trainer girl saw my mood instantly change at the end of the lunges and said what’s wrong? I said nothing…she said what it is…I know there is something wrong you look mad…if I said something then I’m sorry…I said no…I’m just tired. It sounded like my trainer was jealous of Jermey because he was getting all the credit for his girl losing so much weight. I don’t even go at that time when they are there. I guess what made me upset is that I don’t want to be her weight loss girl to be paraded around the Y. I don’t want her to just to like me because of that and that I make her look good. Know what I mean? I might write her an e-mail telling her that she doesn’t have to be jealous of Jermey getting all the credit for his weight loss girl that it’s ok and she will get recognition all in time or I could just let it go. Not sure what to do.

My food has been good this week, very proud of that. On Saturday night I went out with Kira…we usually order an appetizer before the main course but this time we didn’t. Had the meal and that was it. We went to Red Lobster and I automatically wanted the all you can eat shrimp, but when the waitress came I didn’t order that. I ordered grilled jumbo shrimp…the better choice. I was so proud of myself that I ate the right foods that night. It is hard going out with Kira because she likes to eat and drink and I do too. I can see myself slipping and getting back into my old habits with her. I am trying not to though. I think this is some kind of test to see if I can really do it or not. 

The last time I weighted myself I was 154. I ran on Saturday 1.50 miles straight through and then walked the rest to equal 4 miles. I was feeling strong. My friend J was there and so was Kira. J is one that lives at the Y, she is a small oriental woman of 53 years old and looks like she is 40. She does everything from kickboxing to boot camp. She is my idol. She is her own motivation and coach. I want to be like her. She is so dedicated to exercising and has so much follow through. If someone does something better then her it’s her personal challenge to do better then them. If it was me…I’d give up and go home. I want to be like J. She also told me to start doing more of the classes and self training because one day I’m going to have to lose trainer girl. I’m going to have to do this on my own. She’s right. Plus trainer girl is expensive. Sigh…I wish I was rich.

Saturday went to a bar on the beach, that had live music and dancing. It was so crowded there. I didn’t feel comfortable dancing even though I took all those dance classes believe it or not. They don’t dance like we danced there. At first I was thinking why am I hear…I don’t fit in. Kira and I danced for a while and she talked to all kinds of people around us…she recognized so many people from the Y and started to talk to them. I didn’t recognize anyone from there. They must go at a different time then I do. Anyway…some guy comes up to me and wants to dance…it was a fast song so the three of us danced. Then it was over…and it was slow song. Kira was going to sit down and I was going to follow her but that guy pulled me back onto the dance floor to dance. Ok, buddies…I’m a prude…I’m old fashion…you can call me anything you want…I still wasn’t having fun when I was dancing with the guy. He had a lot to drink…he was practically laying on me while we were dancing…and wanting to grind up against me. I don’t even know this guy. Then he kisses me twice!!!! ew!!!! Yuck!!!! The first time it was on my cheek, the second he was going for my mouth but I quickly turned for my other cheek. I don’t want his germs!!!!! ew!!!!!! I don’t think the bar thing is for me. I don’t want a drunk. I want a nice guy. Are there any out there? And where do I find them? 

I was watching all the pretty girls dirty dancing and wishing I could just let loose and do that but I’m so self concious…my body doesn’t move that way. I’m stiff like a robot or something or I feel like that. I want to feel sexy and free…just not feeling it out there on the dance floor.

Anyway this weekend was good I did my grocery shopping for the week, had a guy hit on me, lost 2 lbs. and kept to my food plan. Hope everyone else is doing super!

I had an awesome workout with trainer. I was so darn positive and she really noticed. She said it was one of our best workouts yet that’s how impressed she was. We weighed and measured too. I am 156 now I made my goal and I was so worried with all that crap eating last week 3 days in a row. My goal for this month was 157. Now new goal is 150. I can’t believe it…6 more lbs. and I get  a laptop Wow! That will be my reward for losing 100 lbs. I can’t wait. I’m all fired up again. I am strong. I can do this…I will do this.

We did some running in between sets to get my heart rate up…I ran on a speed of 6 for 2 minutes for 4 times. A speed of 6 is fast for me and I was so proud to do it without looking like I was dying. I did it with grace. Hehehe…she was so darn impressed. I’ve been trying to run on a speed of 6 for a while now…I’ve told her but not for long. She knew. It was good. Later on in the work out she wanted to do push ups. She gave me a goal of 25. I normally do 10 and stop then do 5 more and complain the whole way through and give up. This time I didn’t do any of that. I did all 25 right in a row without stopping! Yes…and they were the guy kind of  pushups not the girl kind. She joked around and said that we should have a pushup competition. I just keep telling her that I don’t compete. She is like why? Because you  might win. She knows I’m scared of success and that I hold back. Every time I go there now she tells me  how strong I am. She wants me to believe in myself and I am starting to do that. I am strong. I can do 25 pushes in a row, I can run for over 10 minutes on the treadmill, I can lift 130 lbs with my legs…I am going to be an athlete if it kills me hehehe….I want this…nothing is going to stop me from getting it. I am focused and will do it! 

I still have a slight cold. It’s getting much better though. I didn’t work out at all on Friday just too tired. I did go yesterday for a about an hour and a half. I got in 3.1 miles on the treadmill walking/running. Today I don’t plan on going…going to take it as my day off unless I get a spirt of engery and change my mind.

Food has been wild off the charts…Chinese Buffet on Thursday, Red Lobster all you can eat shrimp on Friday, on Saturday two appetizers, then full meal…something is going on. I’m scared or something to keep losing…I don’t know. I gotta get my head back into it. I measure and weigh on Wednesday. I’m 158 as of yesterday at the Y. I gotta drop one 1 lb. so I met my goal for the month. We’ll see if I can do it.

I hope everyone is having a good weekend. I’ll talk to all of you soon

7:11 p.m. I did go to they Y after all. I took a long nap in the middle of the day and afterwards had enough energy to get my butt in motion. I did the elliptical for 1 mile and then went to the treadmill for 3.5 miles of walking. I didn’t run today. I was reading a book at the bookstore last night that says its not good to run everyday. Every other day and then on the days off do biking or something else. If you do this then you can run without injuries, faster and longer too. It sounds interesting the plan. I’m going to have to do more research into it to decide if I want to do it or not.  Work out today was good. I gotta get myself back into the game…my head hasn’t been into late. That has to change or I’m going to lose it. Not going to let that happen. I can do this, I’ve been doing this, and will do it. I will get to my goal weight! I am determined and I can do it. I can dream it…I can do it! It’s simple.

Just checking in. I went and walked 2.5 miles this morning…forced myself. It was pretty easy since I couldn’t sleep because my nose was all stuffed up. At 4:00 went to the doctor. I actually had a temperature. Go figure…me rolling my eyes. He said I had more then allergies…I had a cold. Good grief. I asked him if I could still exercise and he said  yes! Yep, he said yes. He never tells me no to exercise. Isn’t that strange? hehehe…oh well…I’m off to bed. Not sure I’m going to the Y tomorrow. I might have that as my day off and go on Saturday. I should be feeling better by Sat. with the 3 meds he gave me

Yep, I’m sick. I can’t breathe, my nose is all stuffed up and I feel tired. I did still go to training tonight. I can’t miss that no matter what. Even though I was a little sick with the nose thing I did great. Better than the two previous sessions with her. We went outside and did kickboxing. I prayed before my session with her that I would have an hour of good breathing with no runny nose or sneezing and I got it. I didn’t have a problem at all. The problem came later on the treadmill…my nose started to get all stuffy again But the work out was good. She was happy with tonight’s session. I was happy with tonight’s session. We both were happy.   Not sure I’m going to the Y tomorrow morning.  I’ll have to see how I sleep tonight. I’m leaving work early tomorrow to go to the doctors, so he can confirm I have allergies and give me some medicine. I’d like to take the whole day off but I know that won’t look good so gonna suck it up and go in any way. They warned us not to take so many days off this year that district was looking at the absences and everything. I don’t have a problem usually I don’t use up all my sick time but some people use it up with the first three months of being back to work. I’ll talk to you all of you later. Have a great night. I’m looking forward to the weekend. Only two more days to go. 

Forgot to tell you we weighed today…I’m back down to 157.

Doing ok today. This morning I got up early and went to the Y. Did something new. I showered there afterwards and didn’t go home to shower. This saved me time. I might start doing that on my early days at the Y. I ran and walked this morning for a total of 3.5 miles. It was a good work out. I was thinking of going back tonight to do powerflex and multi-step. I took both of those classes over the weekend and they were great. I was sore afterwards

I don’t want to kill myself by working out too much…but I feel like I’m not doing enough. Maybe trainer got in my head a little too much or whatever…I feel like I should be doing more at the Y. I did more during the summer. Oh well…I’ll see what how I feel once I get home which will be in 2 hours.

7: 19 p.m.  I got home and decided it was a good idea to go back to the Y. I didn’t take both classes though. I had enough after powerflex…no multi step tonight. It was all good. Going to take a bath and get ready for Biggest Loser I’m excited!

I woke up feeling sick with a sore throat and thought of canceling training tonight with trainer. I didn’t though. As the day went on I felt better and went. I told her I wasn’t feeling all that good and she said she wasn’t either. She didn’t give me a break, she still pushed me as hard as ever. Before working out with her I decided to warm up with cardio kickboxing and thought that would be my cardio for the day. I did that for 30 minutes and then went to train with her. After our session she asked if I was going to walk…I was like do you think I should, I just did the cardio kickboxing…and she was like only for 30 minutes! …I’d walk at least 20 minutes. So of course I went to walk…(me rolling my eyes). 

Tonight wasn’t awful…it wasn’t that good either. She said that I don’t come with a lot of energy. She is full of it…these last couple of times I will agree with her, but sometimes I have energy. She wants to know what is going on with me. I’d like to know too. These last couple of weeks aren’t good. I think it might be the change in my schedule. I went to work this morning and saw all the books and work I had to do and instantly got overwhelmed…(angry). So angry I threw my purse down on the desk. I felt like crying. I couldn’t believe this reaction…then I stepped back said I’ll get what I can get done and that’s it. I gotta let it go. No one is complaining that I’m not getting my work done and I do my work and do it well…it’s just me.

Trainer said I’m the only one of her clients that doesn’t work out the muscles to exhaustion…I quit before that happens. She might be right. So figgin what!?! I’m the only client that lost this much weight…I bet she doesn’t have her other clients lifting what I lift, or do what I do either. I know she pushes me so hard cause I can do it. I’m not mad at her, just frustrated with myself. I want to lose this weight but I feel like I’m sabotaging myself. My weekend food wasn’t that good and I knew it as I was eating…but I allowed myself to do it anyway. I stepped on the scale and it went up instead of down. I didn’t get upset with that. Trainer said that it could be water weight. I did eat seafood that was salty…so maybe that is it…wishful thinking on my part. I have to step back and reevaluate my life and what I want. I told her I didn’t want the goal of 100 lbs any more. She never liked that goal. She thinks I should be 120ish. We’ll see.

She made it clear to me tonight that even when I’m down to what I want to be I’ll never be able to stop exercising and I’ll have to keep this up for the rest of my life…sheesh…can I do that? I’m having a hard time now with it. I don’t know if I can and it scares me. I don’t even feel like waking up early tomorrow morning and going to the Y. I’m just tired, my body is tired, and my brain is tired of worrying about this crap. I do need something else to do…I must find a  hobby.

I feel so much better today then yesterday. I am so much more relaxed and can even laugh. Last night after my crappy attitude I made the goal of waking up early and hitting the gym for several classes. The morning came way to early and I was so tired still but I knew if I stayed in bed I’d just feel worse. So on my day off I got up at 7:00 took a shower and headed to the Y. I started with powerflex…a new class that I’ve never taken before. It’s with weighted bars, weights and balls…a toning class. I know the teacher from pilates, Terri, and I like her so it was good. Then I moved on to step II. This class was ok. It was step II and I didn’t know a lot of the moves, but I will get them down over time. After that they had beginning step…I thought they were going to show the moves in step II so I could learn for next time…nope it was totally different. It was really basic and only about 15 minutes of step and they we did other stuff. Not sure I’ll go back to the basic class…I like the faster paced classes to burn more. My friend J was there and came back to where I was in the step II class and tried to show me the moves slowly…she really is a sweetie.

This weekend is going to be great, because I say so. I am going to be happy because I say so. That’s it my mind is made up Have a great weekend buddies!