doreyt

I felt sad and weak after this morning. I want each training session to be positive and great but today just wasn’t it. My cardio was ok though…I walked, then ran ½ a mile, walked, ran ¼ of a mile and walked some more to get to 3.5 miles. I am no longer looking at the time. I’m focusing more on the distance. I think it is easier to run that way. I’ll keep in mind when I run to go lower on the speed and go longer in the miles. I’m really thinking none of this is going to matter once we get outside because everything is different outside. 

I was still feeling sad when I got home so I took a very long nap. I wasn’t going to go to kickboxing, zumba and tone/stretch, all I wanted to do was go out to eat. I talked to my mom and she encouraged me to go to kickboxing and said it might make me feel better. I took her advice and went. Well…let me tell you…I get there and there are some other people there that I don’t recognize and they are saying that Barb is off today and guess who is taking over for that time? Yep, it was Dawn. She didn’t do kickboxing, the class was changed to cardio unleashed! So what do I do? Do I leave or stay? Come on, what do you think I did?  Well, I stayed. Yes, I stayed for cardio unleashed. I’m writing to you so I didn’t drop dead from it either. It’s way different than any other class. Here’s how it works…There are stations set up in the room…stability balls, steppers, jump ropes, weighted bars, bands, mats to do crunches, and hurdles. She does a warm up with the whole class then you pick a station you want to go to (3 people to a station). Once at the station she will tell you went to start and you do that station for 1 minute. Once done that station you move on to another. You don’t have to stay with the same 3 people you started with…you can go to where ever you wanted. You do that for half the class. In the middle of the class you go outside and run around the basketball court twice. After that you come back in and start the stations again. At one point we got together again as a group and did jumping jacks and jumps in the air. Then we did stations again and running outside. At the end of the class we worked with the stability balls. While we are all doing our individual things Dawn is exercising too…she is doing whatever she wants to do.

 I did the jump rope station, mats, stability balls, hurdles, lunges, weighted bar, medicine ball, and the stepper.  It was a work out but you have to be self motivated to get the most out of it. I did work hard if you are wondering. I was sweating by the middle of the class. I ran around the basketball court twice the first time we went out to run too. I did everything in the class basically except the second time they went out to run I didn’t go with them though and just waited for them to come back. I missed kick boxing. To be honest I think for me kick boxing is better. I have someone to follow and do what they are doing. Putting me in a room and saying go for it doesn’t do much for me. First of all you have to have an idea of what you are going to do when you get to the station….like stability balls, weighed bars, mats, steppers…there is no one there to tell you to do a certain exercise. The other people there could be doing squats with the stability ball while you are doing pushups with it. Just different is all.

 After cardio unleashed I went to Zumba. That is always fun. I didn’t stay for tone and stretch. It was getting late 7:30 and I hadn’t eat dinner yet so I came home.

 I will say, my day ended much better then it started out. I am not depressed now. I feel stronger and happier. I had always wanted to know what cardio unleashed was all about and now I know. No more wondering on my part. Well buddies, I hope you are having a good day. I’m gonna say good night.

Good night :) 

We weighed today…I stayed the same. No comment. 

Today I didn’t like training. She changed the routine again and had me do new things that I didn’t know how to do. Each time she does this I get frustrated and complain and feel weak. She even said that she knows this and next time we do these things I’ll be fine…that’s how I work. I just hate those kind of work outs…me leaving feeling weak at the end and disppointed. 

I did do my cardio afterwards. I walked for a mile then ran 1/2 a mile, walked, ran 1/4 of mile and then walked the rest to make 3.5 miles today. It was good. I was happy with that. Trainer ran next to me, she told me that I shouldn’t be so concerned with the speed that I should go as slow as I need to go but try to run for a longer period of time. So next time buddies, I’m going to go really slow, and try to run 3/4 of a mile straight. We’ll see if that works. The day I run a mile straight will be some kind of day!!!!! I can’t wait for that day.

I came home still feeling crappy. I skipped lunch and went to lay down. I slept for a couple of hours…got up and ate yogurt with some almonds and now I have to decide if I want to go to kickboxing, zumba and tone and stretch. I don’t feel like going to any of those classes believe it or not. I’m still tired. Wish I had more energy to go do them.

I’ll talk to you later and let you know what I decide.

This morning I train with trainer. I feel like weighing myself today. I’m going to ask if we can weigh…I think she will say no, but it’s been 5 days so she may say yes. I’ll have to see. 

I’ve kind of been bugging trainer woman about the training for the 5k in e-mails…she said that we run to train and that I should just keep increasing my time each week I run by a minute…like I’ve been doing. I asked her about running outside and she said we’d run inside with the a/c because I could run farther but we’d go out too. I wasn’t impressed. I don’t know what I expected but I thought training would be different. I guess I thought we’d be outside running all the time and she would run with me. I’m thinking I should be training outside running if I’m going to be running outside but I guess she has other plans. Maybe today at the Y I’ll try for .75 of a mile. 

I woke up energized at 6:30 but now feeling a bit sleepy. Well buddies, I let you know how training goes. Talk to you later. 

Woke up and was sleepy…I didn’t feel like going to church this morning but made my way there any way. I guess I’ve been staying away from church because everyone there is making such a big deal about my weight loss. My two friends there always tell me how good I look. One of my friends wants to take me shopping and buy me clothes! hehehe…several people came up to me and told me that they didn’t recognize me. The people go on and on…they are supportive and encouraging. I appreciate their comments…but I am not one that likes a lot of attention and I get uncomfortable. I just say thank you and move on.

I don’t feel like I’ve lost that much weight buddies…yes, I lost weight…but not that much to make a big deal about it. I want to lose 79 more lbs. When I tell people that they think it will be too much to lose. I’d be 100 lbs then and for my height that is ok. For once in my darn life I want to be called skinny. I’d like to be the thinnest at the party or event…not the fattest and most uncomfortable. I know I can lose weight but when the weight is gone then what…then you have to keep it off. That is what I am worried about keeping the weight off. I’ve lost weight before…I’m sure we all have…but then we start to forget and eat and go back…I don’t ever want to go back.

Today almost killed me…my church group decided to go to an Italian restuarant after church. Italian food is my favorite food. I could have made a big deal about the restuarant and said I couldn’t eat there and change everyone’s mind, but didn’t. I went with what one lady wanted, I didn’t care but was just hoping they had food I could eat. I didn’t know where we were going to plan ahead.  I told myself I could do it. We get there and all my favorite things are listed…chicken parmesan, lasgna, garlic bread…you name it. I see way at the bottom salmon florentine. Yeap, while everyone else was eating pasta and chicken parmesan I was eating salmon on a bed of spinach with mushroom and string beans. Everything I ordered tasted delicious and was loaded with garlic so it had the flavor, but sure I wanted the other food. I felt like I was depriving myself today even though I went with the health choice. If I give in each time I wanted to eat something I see others eat that I love I’d never lose weight. I’d be right back up to 251 lbs again in a heart beat. Went with the healthy choice and am happy that I made the right decision.

A while ago someone asked to see a before and after picture of me. I can’t remember who asked. Here is the comparison. I don’t see much of a difference. You can decide for yourself.

I’m not going to the Y today. I went yesterday and I am going to relax today. I need to take a day off. I think I’m going to start my new Dean Koontz book I got from the library.  I’ll talk to you later buddies, hope everyone is enjoying their Sunday.

I treated myself to lunch today. I was going to go to my favorite Italian restuarant to get the wrap I love but decided against it. I think each time I go there and eat it, it stops my weight lose. Just a feeling. I’m almost sure it is the wrap made with white flour. Instead I went to Paneras. I got 1/2 a turkey sandwich - no mayo on whole grain bread with a cup of veggie black bean soup. It was great and gave me energy for the Y.

 I’m motivated again. At the Y I worked my butt off. I started out walking then alternated walking and running. Total time of running was 20 minutes For me that is a lot. When the treadmill got to 2.5 miles I decided that I wanted to make it to 3 miles before 45 minutes was up so I started to run again. I ran for half a mile today without stopping at the end…I didn’t get under 45 minutes…it was like 46 minutes…but who cares….I ran half a mile! I’m sure I ran half a mile before but didn’t know it…I was concentrating more on the minutes and not so much on the miles. I think it makes me work more to focus on the miles and not the minutes. The minutes seem long, almost impossible but the miles don’t seem so long for some reason. Is that crazy?

After working out I went to TJ Maxx. I tried on a lot of clothes…but nothing looked right. Some of the same work out clothes I tried on weeks ago I tried on again. They looked much better this time Although they are no longer tight they just don’t look right on me. Maybe another 10 lbs will do it and then they will look better. You might think I sound very materialistic buddies…but his keeps me motivated to keep working out. Trying on cute things that I might be able to wear one day…it does feel great.

I hope all of you are having a great weekend. Talk to you tomorrow!

10:52 a.m. - Ok, buddies, I’m sitting here feeling like going to the Y. I’m not tired or sleepy and do not feel stressed. It’s Saturday and it’s my day off. I shouldn’t be wanting to go and walk/run. I should be thinking of the mall and trying on clothes. I don’t feel like going to the mall today. I might just go to the Y for a little bit and walk 3 miles or even 2.5 at a slow pace. Then if I want to go the mall I can go.  I can’t believe I’m getting addicted to this exercise stuff. It’s so wild…so unlike the old me…the old me wouldn’t even recognize the new me. the old me would be saying who is that woman that exercises all the time…hehehe…I want to be that athlete! 

This morning for breakfast I had egg whites with broccoli and cheese, and tea. Before I go to the Y I’ll have a snack…maybe my almonds. I’ll talk to you later and let you know how it all goes   

This morning I met trainer at 8:30. Kinda early since I’ve been sleeping in lately As soon as I saw trainer I knew something was wrong. She looked pissed. Turns out she isn’t going on vacation at all now. Her husband was suppose to get airplane tickets through a friend for free but the friend never came through. This is good news for me my training won’t be messed up, but I  do feel bad for her. I’ve been praying a lot about the week that she would be gone because I didn’t know if I could train myself. I guess God knew what I needed and kept her here for me. I did tell her that God has other/better plans for her…or a reason he didn’t want her to go…she said that was good way to look at it but I’m sure she will still be upset.

I asked her a little bit about the 5k…especially the part if she would run it like she normally runs it or she would stay with me during the race. She said she would stay with me, and I told her I’d drag her down…she said she wouldn’t run for the time…it didn’t matter to her. Also told her no hills…and she said we live in FL you are lucky there won’t be any…hehehe…she’s knocking all my excuses down.  We’ll see how training goes…

After training went to kickboxing. I wasn’t going to go but trainer kind of talked me into it. She did not go with me…had other things to do. Kickboxing was ok. My knee didn’t hurt. It’s still a hard class buddies…I don’t ever think it will get any easier.

Kickboxing was done and I did cardio for an hour - 3.5 miles. I did run some…but only 5 minutes. I couldn’t run any more after that…I was tired. Trainer came next to me on the treadmill to run and asked if I took kickboxing and said yes and was suprised to see me doing cardio. I was on the treadmill for 40 minutes when she came. I did my 60 mintues then I left and then went to dancercise. I love this dancercise class. The teacher isn’t a skinny mini, she isn’t fat either…she does have big butt though…but the girl can dance. She even looks sexy. This is what I like to see…not all woman stick skinny. This girl had meat on her bones and was still out there doing it and looking good. I wanna be one of those woman. It was her confidence. She had so much of it. Where does that come from? Some big woman have loads of it…I’m not that type of person…I’m the one that likes to stand in the back of the room and hide.

Now, I’m going to eat some lunch and watch a movie . I’ll talk to you all later buddies Have a great weekend.

Today I didn’t want to get out of bed. I went to bed too late again. I really do need 8 hours of sleep. Anyway, called up my friend to see if water aerobics was on…I live 15 minutes away from her and it could be raining there and not where I live. It looked cloudy and miserable on my end, but she said it was on. I didn’t want to go. I was in bed when I called her, in my p.j.s  and it started in 30 minutes. Just cause I didn’t want to go doesn’t mean I didn’t go. I knew it would be benefical for me…got my big butt out bed and went. It was good.

Ate a protein bar before I went, when I got home I ate egg beaters with spinach, riccotta cheese, olives and garlic…it was yummy That was around 12:00, now it’s 7:13…I haven’t eaten since then. I know…I’m waiting too long in between to eat I should of had a snack to eat before I went to the Y, but was too lazy to make anything…oh well…

Went to the Y at 4:30 to do pilates. It was good again…we used those big balls, stretched and bounced The teacher remembered me and said welcome back. I’m rememberable…how about that, buddies. The teacher is very encouraging. She keeps telling me it takes time to learn pilates. I think she thinks I might give up and not come back…hahaha…she doesn’t know me… I’ll go back for more torture…what doesn’t kill me will make me stronger. After pilates I went to the treadmill. I wasn’t going to push it today…I was tired…mostly because I probably didn’t eat enough before I left the house. I walked for 45 mintues that was 2.5 miles, at that point I decided that if I’m going to do a 5k ever that I will have to start walking at least 3 miles daily from now on. Each time I walk that I gotta decrease the time it takes me to walk 3 miles. Well…it got to 3 miles but an hour wasn’t up, so I decided to continue to walk for the hour. At the hour point I was on 3.3 miles…come one buddies…I had to continue til I got to 3.5. Walked 3.5 miles today. It was hard, but I was smiling and laughing on the treadmill today…was listening to Jillian’s show from Sunday…she had Bob on - they were cute together on the radio and made me laugh. I wish I had a good friend like that. 

Well, I home now. I was changing my work out clothes to something else and noticed on my shoulder…blisters! Yikes…last time, Tuesday I went to water aerobics and got a little sunburned…I didn’t use any suntan lotion cause it was so cloudy…yeah…I got a little red and thought it would just go away…well my shoulder now has blisters on it That’ll teach me. If they are still there I’m not going in the sun to aerobics on Saturday. I’ll have to skip it. I shouldn’t be in the sun anyway…my skin is so sensitive.

I was at the library the other day buddies and found a good book. 

SuperFoods Rx: Fourteen Foods That Will Change Your Life. A lot of you might know of it already, but it’s a good read if you want to get more out of your food. 

For dinner I am going to have chicken, sweet potato and broccoli and some ice tea.

Weighed and measured today It was awesome! I dropped 4 more lbs. and met my goal. My goal was 180 for this month…I am 179 now. I can’t belive it. Next months goal is lower because she will be on vacation and I’ll be on vacation too. My goal for next month is 175, I didn’t think she would agree to it but she did. Trainer woman was so happy with me and I allowed myself to be happy today too.

She wanted to talk to me but there were several people in the locker room with us…it was a little hard to share my inner feelings when others were listening. She did ask me a serious question though…she asked me how long has it been since I was 179 lbs. All I said was years….but I am going to have to seriously think…how long it has been. I think I was that weight when I first started college back in the 1990’s. That’s like 18 years ago, buddies! I can’t believe it…wow! I’ll have to write trainer and tell her. She also said that she was so proud of me because I go out to eat so much and lost so much weight because that is very hard to do.

She also told me to start thinking of when we were going to start training for a 5k, remember I wrote to her and she said she’d like to do one with me? Then I wrote back and said I’d love to and laughed at her because our times would be so different. I guess she took me seriously. We didn’t follow it up because at the time I had to leave and go to my hip-hop class. But I’m sure she’ll bring it up again. I better have an answer next time…hehehe.

She wanted to know if I was going to do anything special for my birthday today and I told her going out with my dad. Yeah, my dad and I are going out for my birthday. I told her depending on my weigh in …. I was going to have a drink and/or dessert. She told me to go for the drink. I told her now that I lost the weight I don’t even want a drink or dessert. She did tell me that I should go on and have the drink and my birthday is once a year and so on. I’m still considering it…we’ll have to see how I feel once get there.

Got to the Y and walked 1.50 miles then did hip-hop, walked 3.50 miles, then did ballroom dancing. It was a nice day. Over all walked 5 miles. If I’m not running I gotta do something else…up my speed on treadmill and time.  

Gotta go…need to get ready to go out…I’ll talk to you all later. Hope you guys are having a wonderful Wednesday.

Well…today is the day I get weighed in and measured. I’m actually more nervous about it then excited this morning. For some reason I’m not feeling like I made my goal for the month. I don’t know why. I’ve worked my butt off for it. Just not feeling confident about it is all. I hope the scale will prove me wrong when I go in this morning.

I’m not training with trainer today she’s just gonna weigh and measure, then I’m going to my classes. Today is hip-hop, then cardio for an hour, then ballroom dancing. It will all be good.  Later tonight my dad is going to take me out for my birthday. I was thinking of having a drink and eating a piece of dessert too. I just don’t know. I’ll let you know what I decide…hehehe. Talk you later buddies.