doreyt

I took it easy today. I did about an hour of cardio only. 10 minutes on the elliptical (1 mile) and 50 mins. jogging and walking on the treadmill (3 miles). Tomorrow is another long big day and I’m not sure I’m up to it. There is the basic fit run that I couldn’t do last week …I could start with that and then boot camp, kickboxing, powerflex, dancercise. I am committed to losing this weight. Sometimes it gets overwheming worrying about it so much. If I don’t worry about it I feel like I am failing and out of control. I always have to be on top of it or I’ll lose my motivation or something that keeps me going.  

I have two weeks off for winter break, so I thought I would take all the classes like I did this summer. I did the fitness run on Friday morning, my friend J begging me to come. Well she tells me it’s 1.5 miles and I think that’s a lot but managable. Turns out it’s 2.5 miles and all the women there are runners. I am a treadmill runner. It’s totally different than running outside. For some reason I cannot run well outside. Anyway, I start off with J, can’t hang with her cause she wants to be in front of the pack. So there are like 5 girls in a group with one of the teachers ahead of me, and then one 80 year old woman with the other teacher behind me. I am running in a neighborhood that I don’t know well by myself. The teacher with the 80 year old came and asked if I wanted to turn around or keep going and finish the run cause he would have to take the 80 year old woman back. I said I would continue and I did. I did finish…however, I don’t think I’ll ever go out there and run again with them. I felt like a failure. I felt dumb. Not fit. I felt fat. You name it I felt it. There was another run on Monday but I didn’t go. Normally I’m at work so I don’t have to worry about it. The one trainer that finished first, did come back for me and so did my friend after they finished and I finished with them. That was so thoughtful of them. I guess I’m not ready for running outside.

On a positive note, I fit into a small in an exercise pant. LOL. It was one of my goals to fit into a size small one day and I can do it. I also fit into a size 4 pair of jeans. Only some of them though. Today I tried on clothes and they did not fit so well. But I did buy a great coat at the store for like $8.00! It was meant for me, cream color and makes me look thin.

Someone at the gym yesterday said I looked sexy walking in…she saw me in the summer time and now sees me in my size small pants…lol. I needed that because lately I have been wanting to eat and feeling fat. I’m just having a hard time of it. The smaller I get the harder it gets. The more I have to work for it. It’s not enough to do just weights, or just cardio. I have to do both and more of each to get lower. It’s just hard. I want it to be easier. I love food. Yeah, I know, I’m complaining. I’m blessed but it does get so hard.

I’m  hating my skin too. Now I have saggy skin It’s awful. I knew this would happen. It’s not much but I did talk to my trainer about my fat stomach and she suggested I get it cut off. Yeah, just cut it off. I haven’t told my trainer this, but when she makes me do jumping exercises…I hate them…that I do tell her…but I haven’t told her why I hate them. It’s because I hear my fat flapping when I come down from the jump. Is that sad or what? My trainer is a size 0/2. She already sympathizes with me. I’ve confided so much in her already but that I’m not sure I can share that with her, it’s just too embarassing.

She had me make a flyer for her to advertise her training and she wanted my before and after pictures on the flyers. She was so happy with my pictures.  Not the pictures here, but different ones. I’ll post the pictures I used for the flyer soon so you can see in the next couple of days. It is amazing how much I’ve changed, and sometimes I’m just not satisfied. Will I ever be skinny enough? Healthy enough? Will I ever love myself enough and accept myself? I’m struggling with this daily. I thought once I got thinner I would have everything I wanted…love, romance, happiness. It’s not like that at all.

Well my friends…I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later Hope everyone had a Blessed Christmas and Happy New Year!

On Tuesdays now I wake up at 4:00 a.m. to get to another YMCA closer to my job so I can take that class WOW (Woman on Weights). I am so tired right now…10:00 a.m. The work out today was good. I ran 1.6 miles before and 1.5 after the class. Two of the other woman in the class were not there so it was just one other person with me training with the trainer. It worked out great.
We moved quickly through the stations and I worked up a sweat. My personal trainer didn’t think I would really get a good work out doing this but I actually think it’s not so bad. Of course this new trainer doesn’t push me as hard as my other one. She doesn’t know me yet, but she will. LOL

Well…I gotta get to work. I’ll talk to you all later. Have a great day.

I’m getting over my cold slowly but surely. Friday at work we had a big meeting telling us that district is going to start laying off people because there is a 40 million dollar budget cut. This is really nice to hear right before the holidays. I work in an elementary school and I’m an assistant. As an assistant, the majority of us think we will be let go first. All though the superintendant doesn’t want to lay anyone off there is no other option now. So I might be jobless in the New Year. I’m trying not to think too much about it and have faith that my job will be spared. It’s hard to do that with the way the economy is and everyone losing their jobs lately. I’m sure if any of us are let go we will find out this week before winter break and the New Year because so they won’t have to pay out new benefits for us.

My workouts have been good this past week considering. Today I ran about 4 miles and then walked to equal 5 something miles. I’m getting better at running. Trainer said last time I saw her that I need to work to fatigue. I don’t ever do that. I work up until a certain point and get a little tired and stop. She hates that. It’s hard to work that hard. I don’t know why. That is one of my goals to work toward muscle fatigue.I started a new class on Tuesday and Thursdays. It’s called WOW = Woman on Weights. The first class was all good then the teacher had to go out of town cause something was up with her mom and we had a sub. The sub for some reason didn’t take to me very well. I didn’t take to her either. At one point she even said I hope you don’t think I’m picking on you…well…gee…let me see…every excerise I do she told me my form was off…or I was just not doing it right…no that’s not picking on me. Then she asked me how long I’ve been with the class and I said one other time. I felt like she was trying to intimadate me. I didn’t allow that to happen I continued on with the routine. I was the last one to be finished but I didn’t care I got individual attention at the end. I think what pissed me off in the beginning was that I was there at 5:30…the class starts at 5:30. I did my warm up prior to the class starting like the teacher said to do. Well…I get there and she wouldn’t start because the other girls didn’t warm up yet…so she put me back on the treadmill for like 3 more minutes. I just ran a mile…give me a break…she didn’t want me to cool down. I think my facial expression showed her how much I liked her suggestion and that started off on the wrong foot. Hey, but that won’t stop me from going. It’s a challenge. The more she picks on me the more my form will be perfect, damn it! I’ll get it right one of these days…lol. What she says will only help me succeed to where I want to be. She doesn’t know that though. I’m thinking that she’ll be our teacher this coming Tuesday too. Then the regular teacher might be back. We’ll see. It can only get better. I’m going to be positive about it.

I hope everyone is doing well out there. I haven’t been around much…just so busy and into life off the net. I’m around 140 now. I weighted with just bra and panties on and one day it even said 138. I hope it stays that way for tomorrow when I weigh at the Y. My goal for this month is 140…oh man and that’s like the week after this one. I better work my butt off some more to make sure I make that mini goal. Gotta get trainer girl a Christmas gift…any suggestions? For her birthday that just pasted I got her a necklace and some wine…the wine is called “Bitch”. She saw it and laughed. She was curious where I got it from. It was a good gift for her. I wanted to get something special for her cause she’d done so much for me but I don’t know what. Oh well…I’ll keep thinking.

Talk to you guys tomorrow. 

I’m a little bit sick…cold or allergies…nose all stuffed up But that didn’t stop me from my workouts. I went last night and this morning I’ve started a new class. It’s called woman with weights. It’s a small group just 3 of us with a personal trainer and she takes us around from machine to machine. It’s a good work out, not as good as if I were personally training alone with someone but it’s better than being by myself. My personal trainer wasn’t too happy when I told her I wanted to do this class but I am doing it anyway. She warned me not to over work my body and that my body needs a break. I think it will be ok. I ran after the workout for about 1.5 miles. I am getting better at running. I don’t mind it so much now. lol…each time I say that I remember how far I’ve come…back in January I was scared to even run on a treadmill. What a year will do!

Gotta get to work just wanted write a quick something today. Have a great day!

Let’s see where I left off…yes, I was going to the country club buffet for dinner on Thanksgiving. I took a walk before and after eating to compensate for the food…not sure it helped though. I did well on the main courses, but once it came to the dessert I lost it. I had about 4 different delicious desserts….blueberry pie (half a piece), small piece of chocolate cake in those paper wrappers, a cookie, and chocolate covered strawberries. The only reason I stopped was because my stomach started to hurt or I prob. would of kept going. I haven’t had dessert in ages. I am thinking of changing that though. I am thinking if I allow myself some type of dessert once a month I won’t go wild like that and pig out when I do see those things.

Friday I felt guilty and spent all day at the Y, from 9 to 3. I started off with boot camp…the warm up was running 5 laps around the field. I couldn’t keep up with everyone one else L I felt slow and fat. The instructor, Jeremy was so nice. He was asking me what was holding me back from running…was it my breathing…no…what was it? I told him I think it’s mental. He asked me how I do when I run with my trainer and I told him we only did that for the 5k and we don’t run together any more.  I think I can’t see the time…I can’t see the miles…I can’t see the calories…I feel like I’m running but there is no guide to tell me how fast or how long. Is that crazy? I just don’t do well outside for some reason. I need to get a watch that tells me the time and miles or something…really…I need to get my butt outside to run and practice. It is so much different than the treadmill. After boot camp, I went to kickboxing, power flex and dancercise. It was a good morning. My friend J was there and she offered me lunch we had sweet potatoes J after lunch I got a second wind and decided to go running on my treadmill. I got in 2 miles. I was happy with Friday’s workout over all. I was trying to burn off those dessert calories.

Saturday I slept in. I was so tired. I got to the Y around 3. I already had it in my head that I wasn’t going to run and didn’t. I pressed the weight loss button on the treadmill and did that routine…it just ups the incline to a 3 but it’s a good work out. I was sweating at the end.

Today I was tired again and didn’t plan on going to the Y, but around 2:30 I came home from shopping and decided I needed to go. I went and ran today. I did well. I warmed up for 5 minutes ran fast in the beginning then slowed down but got in 5 miles and then walked the rest to equal 6 miles. It’s the longest I’ve walked or ran so far. I am trying to push myself harder and harder to get this weight to come off. It’s hard now buddies…the weight don’t come off like it use to. Yesterday, I met someone from the summer time when I use to go to the day time classes. The woman came up and said, “Aren’t you too skinny, now?” I laughed and said thank you. Me too skinny? I don’t think that is possible. LOL

Tomorrow is work again. I better get going and get some things done before bed. Have a great week buddies.

Today I weighed and measured with trainer. She thought I wanted to do it next week cause of my period but I insisted on doing it today. Next week would be too long of a wait. The scale did move today buddies! I was so surprised. Trainer jumped up and down and hugged me. My friend J was there too and she gave me a hug too. lol…I am now 143 I beat my goal for this month, which was 146. I am very happy about that. I didn’t think I would actually meet it but I’ve been upping my running every day and really working for it.

I ran one mile before working out with trainer and then I ran 3 afterwards and then walked a little bit. Total cardio was 4.5. I went in today at 12 cause I’m off of work and the Y was dead. No one was there…it was so nice to train and trainer had some appointments cancel so she gave me extra time and we chatted a little bit too. It was more relaxing today and not so rushed. I had a good work out. I worked out hard and it was all good.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving…going to a buffet at the country club with my parents. This will be a challenge because they have the big dessert table and I haven’t had pie in a long time or any chocolate. I know I can have a small piece of something but my fear is that once I have a small piece of something can I stop myself from eating the whole table full of sweets. Gotta do a lot of praying and carry my goal list with me for sure tomorrow. I gotta be prepared for anything! Not going to be fat again…nope…no way…no how…it’s only food and there will be food on Friday too that I can eat. I don’t  have to stuff myself because there will always be food available for me no matter what. Giving myself a pep talk…lol.

Thanks for listening to me buddies. I appreciate all your comments

Hi all. This morning was extra hard to get up and go work out but I did it anyway. I did 4.5 miles total, running 4 of those miles. I was impressed with myself. That’s the farthest I’ve ever ran before. Cardio is great these days.

Weight on the hand is still around the same thing I’m hovering around 146/147. I was suppose to weigh and measure last night with trainer but I told her I didn’t want to do it. She said we could wait til Wednesday. I didn’t want to do it cause I have my period and I know I’ll weigh more. Training went ok last night, even though she called me a quiter. Yeah, that’s what I am a quiter. Oh well…whatever! I’m not mad at her, though it seems. Not really, I know she pushes me for my own good. I’m not going to be able to train with her for much longer cause the prices are going up in the new year like $40.00 more a month…sheesh! I knew there would come a day where I’d have to let go and I think the day is coming very soon. I’m still dealing with this. I don’t think I can do it on my own. We talked about it last night and she was like we will still be friends. We might not see each other 2 times a week or something but I’ll check up on you. I told her she will be too busy with her family and kids and she said we are working on getting you one…a family. I guess I just have to try and do it on my own…I’m just so scared to let go buddies. If I’m left to myself all havoc can break out and I can eat and get fat again. I don’t want that.

I’m at work now and feel sick. My nose is running and I feel hallow. Maybe I didn’t eat enough after working out. I don’t know. I hope today goes by quickly then I’m off for 5 days. Maybe I did too much at the Y this morning. I’ve gotta keep it up or I’ll go no where though. Feeling a little manic this morning…could be all the caffeine I had this morning. I drank an energy drink then some tea. I should lay off it’s getting to me. I’ll talk to you later…I gotta get to class.

This morning I didn’t go to work. I woke up depressed and my body hurt from working out last night. I just didn’t want to go. I slept in until 10:30 then decided I need to do something to make myself feel better. I decided to get a hair cut. I’ve been deciding this for like a year now. Today was the day I did it. I got it a lot shorter then I had it in  years. It looks cute. I’m happy with it so far. I’ll get all the reactions tomorrow at work.

Later on in the day I went to the Y. I ran a mile, then went to a powerflex class and for the first time I went to a spinning class. The spinning class was something else. It started off easy but got harder then got easier again. Not sure if I like it enough to go back though. I’ll have to think on that one. It was good cardio though. I got in a good days workout. I was thinking of not going at all but glad I turned it around.

Since I haven’t been losing weight as fast as I have been trainer thinks I should cut down on the carbs. I love my carbs I will cut them down though…I want to reach my goal. I can do it. I’ll add more veggies to my meals. Tonight I had chicken with a lot of broccoli. It was good and I felt full. I’m 147/148 right now. My goal for this month is 146…not sure I’m going to make it. I am working out harder then ever when I go the Y. I run more then I walk, and I’m working out 5 times a week. I’m lifting more weight and pushing myself. I’m just so tired sometimes and feel like I need more engery to keep going.

Woke up this morning early and went to the Y. Lately I have not been feeling the motivation to go the Y in the morning. I have been so tired, so I am proud of myself that I went this morning. I have been running for the past 4 days. It’s prob. not a good thing to run so much back to back but I want this weight to drop. I’ve been hanging around 150 for like forever. I weighed this morning and it was around 149.  Its been 149 or 150 and even 151. I’m doing the work and pushing myself harder in my workouts.

Yesterday worked out with trainer. I did  a good job. We did some new things and I got scared - thinking I couldn’t do them, but she talked me through them and I did them. It was  hard but I did them. We did clapping push ups…that was really funny, or just funny having me do them. I don’t do them very well. I can’t seem to pop up from them in enough time. I think I got in like 10 all together. Those I will def. have to practice in order to be good at. She is always pushing me and making it harder. Some of the new things she has me doing are cool, but I would never admit it to her cause that would just excite her and push me even harder.

I told her I ran on the speed of an 8 and you would of thought she won the lottery she was so happy for me. I told her though it wasn’t for long…but she didn’t care. It was just the fact that I ran on the speed of an 8. I was excited about that too. She asked me how I was doing with my running and how far I’ve gotten. I told her 2 miles I run without stopping. I don’t do that every day. Only on days when I feel really tough…(which don’t come too often) lol. 

Well, I gotta get to work. Talk to you later. Biggest Loser tonight