doreyt

Today I made a plan. I followed through with it too. I normally make all kinds of plans but no follow through. Today I did follow through with it. Well you all should know by now I’m a compulsive eater…so my plan was to go to Sam’s Club around 11 to get all the sample they would have out…and I did go but I only ate one of the samples which was grilled chicken, the other samples were lasagna, garlic bread, white rice, pizza, and some rum cakes…I decided that I didn’t need those samples because they were not healthy for my body and moved on. I was proud of myself walking out of Sam’s only eaten chicken. Next stop was $tree…everything is a $ in this store…I was good there too. I bought toothpaste and lotion only. No nuts or junk food.

Moving on to the YMCA…around 12:30 I went. I had in mind that I would do the workout that trainer wrote up for me. I started with my cardio 45 mins of cardio on the treadmill mostly jogging this time. Then I hit the machines and weights. I did well. I did have some pain in my left shoulder when I did the shoulder press and had to stop and start again during the set. I didn’t give up…I did the whole routine. I went slow with it and got it done. I did a lot more than I thought I could. I thought I would be in pain sooner but wasn’t. I did well, and am proud. I know also where I have the pain and need to use lighter weight. I’ll see how tomorrow is with DOMS (it’s a real bitch).

Before I return to work (August 11th) my goal is to get in 6 weight works each…I am going to train on Sunday, Wednesday by myself, and then on Friday with trainer girl. Once I return to work I will change the days…hey…I should start my new schedule now….going to call up trainer girl and see if we can start that Thursday now. If I start my routine before work than it won’t be so hard once work starts…great idea. Yep, will call her tonight and set it up. Anyway the new routine would be Sunday, Tuesday (by myself) and Thursday with trainer girl. The other days I will do cardio and play in the classes offered with freedom to do whatever hits me on that day.

After training I wanted to eat something…thought about all the buffets and restaurants as I was driving home but decided to pass them all up and eat my south western salad with veggies at home. I ate around 4:30 and now it’s 8. Getting hungry again. Not sure what I’ll do…if I’ll have a snack or another meal. It would be good if I could have snack and call it a day.  

I should get going it’s pouring down rain now, lighting and thundering…talk to u guys later!

Food was clean and good, I walked on the treadmill for 45 mins. so why do I want to binge right now? 9:20 p.m. If there was peanut butter and honey in the house I would bring out the nuts and go crazy. The other day when I was strong I decided to throw out the peanut butter and honey. I was binging on those things. I was in the middle of eating a stalk of celery thinking to myself wow peanut butter and honey would be good on this and remembered that I threw it away and got sad. But hey….no binging. Last night I turned to veggies instead of the nuts and high calorie treats. It is so darn hard. All of a sudden I just wanted to eat…maybe I’m tired…maybe that is it and I didn’t eat dinner too long around around 8:30. Crazy….well…I’m going to bed so I won’t eat anything else.

Hope you guys are having a great weekend.

Went to personal trainer today. I haven’t seen her in 2 months since I’ve all of a sudden developed “issues” (heal spur, tennis elbows, and a cycst that I had removed). Going back was great. I was anxious and nervous. We weighed - 138. I’m good with that. I only panic and cry if I’m over 140.

Two months ago, back in April a goal of mine was to be in the 120’s. I was going on a cruise and I wanted to be able to eat anything so I got down to 127. It was great…that’s not a natural weight for me. I really really have to work for it. Count calories, exercise like I’m training for some major event…crazy. Life goal is to keep my weight around 130, eat moderately (no binging), and exercise moderately. I need a balance. I’m a black and white type of person…all or nothing…if you tell me to do a mile…I do 3…if u say spend an hour at the Y, I’m there 3. I’m an over achiever. I want to impress, I want to be an athlete, I want to be superior…now since I have these issues I am slowing down…I have no other choice. Seems like my body went to crap since I turned 40 last month…lol…but not giving up.

Anyway…life is good. Trainer took it easy on me. I lifted more than I thought I could. I was working out very lightly at the Y and at home with 5lb weights. She had me using 12 and 15. I use to be able to lift 25…those where the days I’m just going to do more reps so I can build back muscle. I can really tell my body is different. I am so hopeful now. Now, that I went back to trainer girl I want to go to the Y and do more. This evening I walked on my treadmill here for 30 minutes. It was a good day. I ate clean too, no binging. Not even one thought of binging. I am happy.

Tomorrow I think they offer kickboxing. I am thinking of going to it. Not sure yet. I said I would make up a schedule and stick with it but I found that caused me to get stressed out and anxious. I decide what I am going to do when I wake up in the morning now. I am not even setting my alarm to wake me up now. I let myself sleep as late as I want without feeling guilty. If I don’t get to the Y, then I will exercise here with FitTV…there are always ways to get my exercise in.

Have a great weekend buddies…will keep you posted

I haven’t worked out with my trainer since April. I am going back to her for the first time today at 10:30. I wasn’t nervous about it yesterday but today is a different story. I am getting nervous and anxious. We will weight and measure and I know I am up on the scale and measurements. I just don’t think I want to face it. I know how I get if I’m up a lot. I’ll get really depressed and I don’t want to get depressed. I know it’s my own making but still…I’ll let you guys know how it goes later on.

I’ve decided that I’ve been putting too much pressure on myself to do things…to lose weight n be in the 120’s, to eat perfectly clean, to exercise 3 to 4 hours a day. It was way to much and I found myself binging more than anything. I’d have a good day than go on a binge the next day.

My goal is no longer to be in the 120’s, it’s not to see how much exercise I can cram in, in one day either. Now, my goal is to maintain my weight in the low 130’s, not binge for a day, and to do some/any type of physical activity in a day. If I can achieve those goals then I will have a successful day. Today I didn’t binge. I ate in moderation. I ate good clean food. I exercised for about 70 minutes. I walked/jogged on the treadmill and stretched. Afterwards I felt good about myself. I felt like I was my old self getting back into exercise. I didn’t feel  pain afterwards either. I felt good.

I go back to my personal trainer tomorrow and I am hopeful. I know if I want to lose more weight the weight will come off. I need to do the foot work and I will do it, but my focus is to be healthy and happy. I haven’t been that in a long time…the happy part. Just because you lose a lot of weight doesn’t make you happy, I am proof of that. I am still ”fat” inside. I have a lot of work to do on myself and I want it to be immediate that’s the hard part…I know I need to just relax and take one day at a time and that’s what I am going to do. Today was a one of those days that I just took and didn’t rush around in my mind, or go to a million grocery stores food shopping or binge…I took it easy. I sat, I listened to my inner voice, I mediated, I sat some more, watched tv, worked out and enjoyed my day. Yes, today was good. Will keep you posted as how training goes tomorrow with my pt. I’m actually looking forward to going and not as anxious as I was before. It’s going to be great getting back and doing something! 

walked on the treadmill for 15 mins.

powerflex class (one woman kept giving me the evil eye because she wanted to save place for her friend, but I got there first…please!)

yoga

took my vitamin D outside got some sun

 Food was has been going ok. Right now 6:00 p.m. want to binge and go to an all u can eat restaurant. I talked to my dad about this and he was like if keep doing that then you’ll get fat again…I know this but the desire is to still go. Yes, I have food at home to eat. Yes, I can cook here. I am thinking of ribs again to go and get all u can eat. I even have ribs here to eat. I just need to get them in the oven. I should stay home and eat. I can always go out to eat tomorrow if I want to. I don’t need the food to make me happy. Damn, it is so hard. I am just craving a nice big buffet…maybe cause I am do for my period…who knows. I know that I’m obsessing again about food and that’s not good. The exercise is going well…now I gotta get the food under control. Yes, I am going to eat at home. I will make some nice veggies, and the ribs that I have in the refrig. waiting for me. I guess watching Paul Dean on tv making a bunt cake doesn’t help either….doh!!!! What’s up with me…

My shoulder is hurting from yoga and powerflex. I think I did too much. Tomorrow I’m thinking of taking off…or maybe just lightly walking. I’d really like to go to cycling and yoga but I don’t think my body will up to it. Maybe the cycling part yes, but not the yoga part. My shoulder has been hurting ever since I did pull ups last year. I’ve been ignoring it but if it continues I will have to go the doctor and have him look at it. I can’t stand not being able to do what I use to in the gym. Anyway…have a great weekend my friends.

8:30 treadmill jogging for 40 mins.

9:15 cardio blast class

10:15 water aerobic

11:00 deep water aerobics

My first time back to the Y after arm surgery. It was great. Today that sun was sunshining and the weater was perfect! It is truely a blessed day.

I woke up at a decent hour today. Didn’t get into the food too much. It was a peaceful day. I was exhausted by 12:00 though and came home from the mall and took a nap. It’s got to be the weather and me do for TOM next week. I just felt bad. After dinner I exercised though regardless. I did a workout from fitTV, cardio blast or something like that. It was good. I mountain climbers get me every time. I  felt like I was going to passout and had to stop doing them…probably made it to 15 secs doing thoughs. I hate mountain climbers, never have been good at them. This has been the first time I felt like passing out though from working out though. That hasn’t happened before. I also have a headache. I just need to sleep I think and will wake up feeling better.

Glad I got the exercise done. Planning on going to Sonny’s BBQ for the 4th of July. Yes, they have all you can eat ribs there…and I am thinking of eating them. I know. Maybe I’ll change my mind tomorrow…we’ll see.

I had a rough night last night. I was in a lot of pain with my arm/shoulder. Who knows why I haven’t been lifting weights I felt like crap when I got up at almost 10 a.m.! I normally get up around 6 a.m. and hit the Y by 7:30/8. It was miserable outside cloudy and depressing…just like my mood. I took a nice long warm shower and that put me in a better mood. I always like it when I am clean and smelling good…lol.

After showering I decided a big breakfast would be wonderful…11:00 a.m. I made two small quesadillas filled with ground turkey meatballs, n lots of veggies and then an apple. Once lunch was done with I thought of exercise. I looked at the schedule at the Y n decided that all the morning classes were over with and nothing was going on until the evening. I had a lot of energy from eating such a big breakfast that I decided I’d have to workout right here in my living room. 

FitTV is great. I seached several programs before deciding on doing a total body tone one. I picked the one that had the longest time this time…around 45 minutes. The workout went well and I completed it all. I felt proud that I got it done.

Bought this book total fitness guide 2009 the other day and they have some tests in there to see how fit you are. I decided to try them and see if I was aspiring, solid or strong. One was a wall sit…you had to do for 2 mins. to be strong. Let me tell you 2 mins. is a long time, plank for a minute, 8 push ups on a stability ball, one balancing pose and 5 minute run. I did all but the run. I can’t run on my treadmill it doesn’t go that fast…yeah, it’s pretty old and with the weather outside I wasn’t going out. I was strong up until the 8 push ups on the ball…I had to lean the ball on the wall so I could keep my balance or it would roll away from me….but once it was secure I knocked them out…need to work on that for sure…the balancing pose…forget it…I almost got it but then couldn’t hold the pose…will have to work on it. Running…I kind of know where I am with that…nowhere…lol. I’m not suppose to run because I have heel spur and it bothers it. I was running 3 miles or more daily but had to stop altogether and cross train. That’s when I started to take up cycling…although I haven’t been cycling in two weeks.

I do need to get a schedule down. I almost called up a friend from work to see if she wanted to go to the Y tonight but didn’t. I didn’t feel like driving there and then it started to rain again. I turned on the tv and they were doing a dancing workout so I did some of that. I like to dance even though I feel foolish doing it. I do want to be good at it…who knew.

I am thinking of adding jogging back into my routine but this time I am going to be very careful. I am going to take it very slow…slow on the treadmill in speed wise and slow in miles. I am not going to run 6 miles…or run on an 8 speed…that was crazy and way too much. I think I will jog on a 4.5 or 5 for while and alternate with walking on an incline for 30 minutes. It’s just a thought for now. I am still not sure what I want to do. Maybe I shouldn’t schedule myself and just do whatever I feel like when I wake up. The problem with that is that I feel out of control like I am lazy but when I do schedule myself I feel overwhelmed with things I have to do. I usually overschedule myself with 3 or 4 classes and that’s the problem. I never seem to be able to go to the Y for an hour and leave. I usually wind up spending 1/2 the day there and getting compulsive. I don’t want to be compulsive this summer. I am even letting myself enjoy one tv show I use to watch…General Hospital. I am going out of my way to sit down and watch it every day to just relax and be.

Well, I don’t have a schedule to workout…still working on that. Still praying about trainer…not sure what I’ll do with her yet. I found out that the Y group exercise starts later this month around the 14 or something…so I still have time to decide if I want to do that. That class will run until August 11 I think. I’ll keep you guys posted as to what I do. Have a great day buddies!

I got my stitches removed today. Afterwards I got into clothing shopping…I didn’t buy anything I just tried on a lot of nice clothes and admired myself in the mirror. I use to do this as I was losing weight. This made me happy seeing how good I could look. I was very relaxed today. I wasn’t racing around in my own mind. It was a peaceful day for me. I did think of going out to eat but reminded myself that I don’t go out to eat any more and that I have food at home.

I didn’t exercise today and I am ok with that too. My arm was hurting. Later on tonight I am going to sit down with the classes at the Y and go through what I want to take. I am going to start scheduling my days now that I’m cleared to exercise. I need to take it easy and not over schedule myself. I use to live at the gym…was there 3 hours in the morning, out by the pool for 2 and  then came back at night time for two or 3 classes. I can’t do that and don’t want to do that any more. I  need to find a happy balance. I definately need to get in 30 or more mins. of cardio daily, and two to three days of weight lifting. The cardio will be the easy part. Making up my own weight lifting routine is hard for me. I can go back to my personal trainer now I suppose but for some reason I am  holding off on calling her up and starting. I am scared to go back actually. I am scared that she will not listen to me when I say I hurt. I’m scared I will not be able to do what she wants any more I am not that old me. I am not that strong any more. I want to be but I just can’t lift that much any more. My body hurts. I was feeling bad leaving the training sessions the last couple of times when I worked out with her. I felt like I was disappointing her and I am doing this for me…not her. I need to keep it real. I need to have a routine I can live with for life…not for a few years. I don’t know what I’m going to do about my personal trainer. I even thought of signing up for group training at the Y with some other woman. There the trainer would not know me and I’d start fresh. It would be cheaper too. I am going to have to pray on it. If I could just have the confidence in my own self to train me then it would all be good. I am so damn co-dependent that I hate it.  Oh well…I am working on it. Thinking of getting involved with water aerobics…anyone out there take them? I did a couple of summers ago and it was fun. Not sure  how good of a workout it is though. I think my body would like it since it’s not such high impact.

I’ll let you guys know my schedule once I figure it out. Have a great weekend!